We are back – in a new house, with a new supply of chocolate chips, and a new set of questions and reactions. We have farm animals this year, which is both delightful (fresh eggs! endless Fred entertainment!) and noisy (goats).
Being home was wonderful. We enjoyed lovely conversation with family and friends who encouraged us and prayed for us. We ate so much delicious food and enjoyed all the comforts of home. Freddy loved playgrounds, the zoo, splash pads, the pool, and the beach. So many people took care of us – lending us cars, cooking for us, letting us sleep in their houses. It truly takes a village to live this ex-pat life.
Freddy and I traveled home together alone as BB had to return early for work. We survived. It was not pretty. I don’t think I’ll do that again if I can help it, and that’s all I’ll say about that!
We are back, and life hits hard. The internet has essentially been non-existent. BB’s work has had some unexpected challenges. Fred is having trouble adjusting to the time change and new environment, and I desperately miss cheese (we can’t even get the smelly Gouda cheese right now since it’s dry season, and the cows are all dehydrated). I find myself spending a fair amount of time feeling like the Israelites wandering the desert asking God if there just weren’t enough graves in Egypt for them.
What I am doing here in Rwanda? That’s the million dollar question that everyone asks me. I don’t know. God brought me here, and I’m wondering the same thing.
I wish I could say that I’m fighting for HIV+ mothers or solving the problems of the poor. I wish I could say that I’m baptizing people and leading people to Jesus. And then I’m horribly depressed that I’m not doing that.
I came here to DO something. And yet, not unlike my life in Chicago, I find myself talking a lot. So maybe my new answer is that I’m doing nothing. I’m waiting. I’m praying. I’m listening. I’m caring for my family (sort of). I’m getting out of bed and sometimes showering. I’m reading books and singing songs to Fred. I want to do more, but God is telling me to wait (as far as I can tell).
So I wait. I keep walking. I grumble. I kick the dust and complain. Sometimes I cry and get mad. And then I make dinner and watch Seinfeld and eat cookie dough. That’s what I’m doing in Rwanda.