We had our first fight as a married couple walking down the aisle 11 years ago. I believe BB wanted me to stop at the end of the aisle for a photo, and I said “I’ll do what I want. Don’t tell me what to do!” And not much has changed since then.
Yesterday a youthful yet wise friend asked me about when I am really happy here in Rwanda. I couldn’t answer well in the moment because I really had to pee, BB was texting me, and Freddy was melting down. But when I got in the car and Freddy had his snack, I knew the answer. The happiest thing in my life is my marriage.
I love what Rwanda has done for our marriage, and that’s not at all to say that our marriage was lacking in America. But being here has illuminated our weak points and made us stronger. It’s brought greater intimacy as we struggle through the loneliness, the fears, the doubts, the strange-ness of this palce. Clearing our schedules has given us so much time together. Raising our son together on our own and separated from all we know has given us an opportunity to create our own family.
Of course it’s not perfect and won’t ever be this side of heaven. BB still tries to tell me what to do (less often now), and I respond with unkind words. We have our disappointments in and with each other. Decisions are hard. Conflicts get ugly.
I can honestly say that I did not know what I was getting into when I got married. But I’m sure glad I did. And I’ve only regretted it a couple of times. Kidding. Not Really.
Love you BB! Happy anniversary!